I forgot to meditate first thing when I woke up today. In the interest of making my meditation a daily practice, I think I need to make sure I do it first thing. I’ve been down this road before where I forget and say I’ll do it later…pretty soon, I’ve forgotten about my commitment completely. Luckily, today, I made sure to squeeze it in where I could. I focused on my breathing and did about 15 minutes before a nap and then again at night before I went to bad. I wear a Fitbit which tracks my sleep and it’s always said I sleep about 2-4 hours on average. I tend to move around a lot when I sleep and I also dream a lot so I thought maybe it was only tracking my deep sleep and not when I was in REM sleep. But, the other day I talked to someone who just got a Fitbit and he said he got 6 hours of sleep. So, I asked another friend and she said it’s accurate – she gets 7-8 hours. I started panicking. What the fuck?! I also felt a little competitive…cuz, yeah, basically even in my sleep, I need to outperform others. Anyways, I’ve decided to nix caffeine for awhile and I’m also going to try and unplug about 30-60 minutes before I turn in. That’ll be the real adjustment because I’m used to watching TV or surfing the web in bed until I fall asleep. But, I know how important sleep is so I’m going to make sure I’m prioritizing it.
I did a 30 minute Lean Abs + Cardio workout. It’s kind of crazy to me how much I’m enjoying exercise. Okay, let me clarify. Once I start, I’m still looking at the clock and wondering if I’m done, but it’s a lot easier for me to start now. I remember even just a few weeks ago, I’d spend so much time just arguing with myself over whether I’d do it or not. Sometimes, even after a whole day of going back and forth and deciding I’m going to do it, I’d make a last minute turn and just drive home instead. That resistance just isn’t as strong anymore. The idea that our lives are simply ruled by the habits we create continues to be reaffirmed for me. Now that I’m exercising more regularly, my mind (ego, self, whatever) seems to have accepted that this is just part of the drill.
I spent a good portion of the day with my mom yesterday and just as I was dropping her off back at home, we got into an overly emotional argument. It was a conversation we’d had many times before. I felt really shitty about it and coached myself out of jumping into the rabbit hole of guilt. I started writing about it (will post when finished) while I was waiting to pick up food on the way home. But, I just couldn’t get myself to go back and finish my thoughts. It however, led me to write this little blurb: Meeting Your Truth
Do not go out to drink.
Thought about having a beer at home, but decided I didn’t need it.
Do not eat garbage food.
Soup, Rice, Steak
Pizza, Wings, Fries (but from a trusted restaurant, not one of the big chains)