I think I’ve had a resistance to writing/posting…or maybe I’ve just been lazy. I did the drive out to Big Sur. It wasn’t that bad, but my anxious little monkey brain kept firing up. I literally recorded a note to myself: “Monkey brain, I know you think you’re trying to help me with all your worrying, but it’s okay. We’re going to be fine.” I’m getting pretty good at not getting on that train…or getting off at the next stop instead of obsessing about whether I should take a seat or get off or use the bathroom or get a drink or or or…
Overall, I had a pretty nice weekend even though I spent ten of those hours driving. Not too long ago, I’d obsess over lost time or time not utilized to its fullest capacity. Now, I’m able to just meander and not feel so pressured to “do.” I can just enjoy being. I really didn’t do much while I was at Esalen. I didn’t take advantage of any of the classes that were open to me or use the hot springs. It was also too cold to sit outside and enjoy the outdoors. The old me would have interpreted this as a wasted trip, but I had a really nice time. I had meaningful conversations with my friend. I read a little and I dabbled in some art making. I also slept quite a bit. All in all, a wonderful time. I hope I can bring that sense of ease into my everyday life.
This year is flying by, and with my commitment to trying to find my calling, I do feel anxious at times that I’m not going fast enough. I’m really just trying to take it day by day and appreciate even the smallest wins. Like the fact that although I’ve been making it more of a habit to condense a few days into one post, I’m still posting.
I went back to the gym today after a few days of skipping my exercise commitment. I think part of my lethargy has been from the fact that I haven’t been very active.
Do not go out to drink.
Do not eat garbage (fast) food.
I was tempted to get some drive thru during my long drive, but I resisted and am very proud of myself.