Commitments

I’m not really one who has an issue with commitment. Well, at least not with making them. It’s keeping them that’s the trouble. Just today, I told myself: exercise and write everyday. No matter how small or short, do something. Take a walk. Do twenty jumping jacks. Write 2 sentences. And, already, I feel myself retreating. I just want to lie in front of the TV and zone out.

There is so much I want to do. But, when the time comes, when it’s there in front of me, open and free, I just want to waste it. I know my fear of failure keeps me from trying many things, but I don’t think I’ve given enough credit to my fear of success. It’s so much more comfortable here, in my smallness where no one knows or expects anything from me. What if I really started achieving the success that I only fantasize about? I’d no longer have my anonymity to hide inside. Is this what’s really holding me back…or am I just lazy?

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