I don’t like choosing. I know the freedom to choose is one of the greatest liberties we enjoy, but for me it’s too much pressure. What if I pick the wrong one? I’ll spend over twenty minutes just scrolling through Netflix unable to decide what I should watch. And ordering food? Well, in the comfort of my home, without a waiter putting any pressure on me, I’ll look through the menu reading all the descriptions…of course this is after the thirty to forty minutes it took me to decide the restaurant. Then I’ll go on Yelp to see if there are any pictures I can inspect. Then back to the menu and so forth and so on. Sometimes, I even struggle with which color straw to use from my assorted pack of straws. FOMO. It’s a real thing.
My issues with indecisiveness are not clinical; it’s more like a little bug bite that only flares up when you start scratching it. But it can definitely get in the way of me doing things. I’m really trying to figure out what I’m meant to do with my life, to discover my dharma or calling. There are a lot of things that I deeply care about and really get me excited. Reading and writing is definitely at the top of my list, but I also really love art. Psychology has always fascinated me and the thought of helping people feels really fulfilling. A few weeks ago I discovered hand lettering and then there’s business. Although I hate the idea of profit being the bottom line, I’ve always felt an entrepreneurial spirit inside of me. And I know that not all businesses have to be completely centered on making money. So what do I do? What do I pursue? What if I pick the wrong one and spend X amount of years chasing the wrong thing?
I was listening to an episode of The Good Life Project the other day (one of my favorite podcasts). It was an interview with the hand-lettering artist Sean McCabe and they touched upon this very matter. He basically said just pick one. You can always course correct later, but you can’t steer a parked car. (http://www.goodlifeproject.com/sean-mccabe/?t=radio) This really hit home for me. For years now, I’ve just been sitting in a parked car googling different places I could potentially go…pulling up the map and looking at all the different routes I could take to get to these places. What if I get lost? What if I drive all the way to Place A and it’s total shit? Well, then, I can go to Place K or W or S. Everything doesn’t need to be perfect (another huge issue I have). You can always change your mind later. Guess I don’t have any more excuses to fall back on. Time to turn on the engine and put the car into drive. I’m going left.