Loving Kindness

Those words are still bothering me. I guess I’m still in the field. New plan of attack, or action, rather…I realized yesterday that my MO is to attack. I attack people’s shortcomings so as to feel better about my own. I’m also apparently, a mean person (or at least can be perceived as such). I suppose this is somewhat ironic, given that I am obsessing over a few words that I felt were pretty much just outright fuckin’ mean.

New plan of action: instead of identifying and attacking people’s shortcomings, have some compassion. For she is probably just as insecure as I am. Those words were most likely not loaded with ill intent and a desire to make me feel like shit. It was likely just a misguided attempt to say what she thought was appropriate in that situation. Heck, she probably thought it was the right thing to say…to motivate…to gain respect…to survive. We’re all just doing the best we can. We’re all just trying to survive.

May you be healthy and strong.
May you be at ease.
May you feel safe and protected.
May you be happy and at peace.

As I try to wish these things upon the person who spoke those words to me, I can’t help but think she would scoff at my attempt to show her loving kindness. How ridiculous she would think I am to think she needs something so trite as love or kindness. I recognize that this is probably my ego trying to talk me out of feeling compassion for the person who put me into a spiral. Down, ego. Down!

Today, I will have compassion instead of being so quick to judge in order to protect myself. Instead of focusing on the shortcomings of others, I will try to have compassion.

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